I had given up on love. In my eyes it didn't exist. All those happy couples on the streets and all the amazing love stories on the movie screens were factitious. No one could possibly feel that way. Then one Tuesday afternoon I was sitting on his bed watching a movie with him. We had known each other for three years, and he was one of my closest friends. We wrestled and cuddled and never thought anything more of it. I had never felt so comfortable being myself around someone so quickly. He's seen me at my best and at my worst. Our friendship was rare and real. I had finally returned home after being away for a whole year, so we decided to dedicate a day to us. We went to the beach, ate lunch and then back to his house. As we sat there watching Elf, our favorite movie, he put his hand in mine. Though the gesture wasn't new, the feeling was. I looked at him and he smiled.
Over the next few months the previous beliefs I held about love and relationships changed. Everything related to love now made sense to me. Movies, songs, book, all of it. The happiness I felt with him was indescribable. The fall out was a surprise and the details of my heartbreak aren't important but what I learned from it is. My first real love didn't work out but it was real. There is a reason why the songs are so popular and why the movies sell out. It isn't a made up feeling, it's real. Obviously he wasn't my forever but some guy out there is. I don't wake up everyday searching for him because I don't think that's the way love works. But I do believe. I've experienced the glory and the pain and I hope the same for the others out there who label themselves as nonbelievers.
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